Now lets start by saying… i didn’t write this…but oooo how upset i am that i didnt because this is some classic sh*t!!!
50 shades of Tanesha
A story for da mandem
Read it!!! Its Jokes… Co-signed gstar kash, Charmer-B
Lemme tell you a lil story cause im bored, I call it the reason i don’t deal with South chicks
Now there was a chick called Tanesha from Lewisham i met about 3 years ago.
I should of known everything was gonna go downhill, from time your name ends in “sha” and your from south..leave it
Anyway i was at my cousins yard in south, saw her, got her number reh teh teh
She was calm, didn’t talk ghetto, mix race, seemed kl. I waited for her bus to come and den she cut
So obviously i got yard, added the facebook started talking, these times i was using msn, webcam all that sh*t
So we talked for a few weeks, i’m tryna get her to come buck me, she’s longing the ting, but she’s nice so i’m cool wid it
It got to a stage where we talked like everyday uno…but everytime i asked her to come she would long it
Till one week she told me to come down….
Obviously i know dis chick is nice, so i put in work lol dropped new garms, fresh creps, i was young, i wanted to press LOOL
So i’m waitng for her at the station, it’s hot as f*ck!!…she comes in a pink Adidas tracksuit O_o
BMT she came looking like Mr Blobby, am i a prick
Anyway, we were walking thru her ends, she’s asking what i wanna do, i’m just thinkin “please get changed”
Cut a long story short we ended up at her yard.
Now were in her room yh, fu*k it we aint in public so i started dropping a few bars lool -__-
I don’t wanna get to descriptive but it got to that stage where she took off her top n that but still had on her tracksuit bottoms
I knew she was on it but she was going on bare stoosh
Anyway she pulled it down, and im thinkin yhhhhhh, then as it came to her ankle i see some box on her leg
I’m thinking its some kinda dumb ankle bracelet….nar the bitch was on TAG!! O_o
No wonder she never wanted to come my ends and no wonder she always wore trousers.
So obviously i asked her what she was on tag for, she said robbery…better believe i clinched onto my wallet
You lot think the stories over, nar believe it gets worse
So anyway i’m weary this girl is a criminal mastermind but i didn’t come all the way to south for her to give me her criminal record
So yh im doing the ting, half way through *BANG BANG BANG* “TANESHA OPEN THE f*CK*ng DOOR”
She harlem shaked her body off me, “f*ck f*ck hide”
I’m thinking what do you mean hide who is that, your dad?
She’s like nar its my man ffs, two two’s now this yute is banging on the door like someone is died inside the yard
LOOL i forgot to say this was a bunkbed we were on, so of all places to hide, she hid man on the top f*CK*ng bunk
I’m hearing footsteps n i thinking she’s just coming back up, IMGAGINE SHE BROUGHT THE GUY INTO HER ROOM!
So both of them are in the room talking, whilst im on the top bunk naked with a bonner O_o
So yh there both talking, and im waiting there cas thinking when she gonna tell this guy to leave
Imagine she went on her laptop and started playing slow jams….is she ill? Does she know im still here?
Lool the bars dis wasteman was droppin tho..moist moist moist
Anyway two two’s now i hear them lipsing….im thinking..no they wont…they f*CK*ng won’t….
*zippp* I hear a zip go down *slurp* SHE STARTED GIVING HIM BRAIN WHILE I WAS ON THE TOP BED NAKED!
Now i would of just ran out if i was fully clothed, but i was naked, am i a prick to run onto the street with no clothes
Dis bredda was like 22, i was 16-17 at the time
So yh she’s giving him brain and he goes “MY TURN”…..NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
HE’S LICKING HER NARNI AFTER I JUST PRESSED IT 5MINS AGO!!! (DONT TRUST THESE HOES)
I’m in the bed bare trying not to laugh, cause if he knew…Bwoy
So yh they start beating and im just cas at the top, the whole bed was shaking, it felt kinda soothing uno, i wont gas like i was on a lil bouncy castle
Anyway she’s moaning blah blah blah, then she says my name..uh oh
He stops…” who the f*ck is Alex, am i a prick”
This guy starts getting MAD!!! ” Who the f*ck is Alex” imagine this dumb bitch said “my cousin”…*sigh*
The guy is going crazy, punching up the yard, “are you cheating on man, Tanesha i’ll kill you uno”
I’m just in bed praying to our heavenly father that this guy don’t clock man, asking God to forgive my sins
She’s bare crying saying she hasn’t cheated blah blah blah and he boxed her in the face..so he hits females imagine what he would do to me
So i started praying even harder, i think at this point i even started praying to Allah aswell, try get both Gods on my side
God answered my prayer because the guy just ducked out n left the yard.. GOD IS REAL!!!
So the door slams and i climb down off the bed and looked at Tanesha on the floor, her face all blooded up
She’s crying and looking at man as if im about to bend down and help her and tell her everything is gonna be ok
I put on my clothes slowly, looking at her the whole time, thinking what to say, bmt i was feeling rage.
I finally got changed..bent down looked at her…..
…..AND I SLAPPED HER!
Nar f*ck it, i don’t care, she put my life in danger lool, i was vex, i had tto watch her get beat and licked out f*ck dat
Anyway, i walked to the station and her man was there LOOL, if only you knew brudda… If only you knew
So that’s the story lool, the moral is don’t deal with chicks from South and always check their ankles.